The Place: La Madeleine

The Cup: A cup of coffee for me, and since it was lunch time, Misty went for a glass of water and a salad.

The Background: A few months back, Cup 17, Thom Singer and I grabbed coffee to catch-up. He suggested a few people he’d met recently who he thought I’d be interested in interviewing for the project. Misty was one of those people.

Misty is new to Austin, but is already in love with the people, the music scene and the BBQ. We’ll get into where she came from and how she got here in just a moment, but first, let’s cover some:

Common Grounds:

1. What’s your guilty pleasure? Dark chocolate and peanut butter – though I’m trying to be healthier by substituting organic raw almond butter instead. {We both agree – good, but not the same.}
2. What’s the last thing you fixed? My sink. It wouldn’t drain so I called my brother-in-law who suggested I plunge it. I didn’t even know you could plunge a sink, but it worked. I was proud of myself. Normally I’m a call-a-plumber kind of girl.
3. What is the best place to eat in Austin? The Salt Lick BBQ. Nashville has a foodie scene too, and before I came here I read that Nashville was voted best BBQ. But then I came here and have to say, Austin, TX is in a league of it’s own. I love it!
4. What is the best way to unwind? It’s changed through the years. I need to turn off the noise. Bubble bath, music and candles. But my go-to is sitting down in front of the TV and watching The Bachelor or something. Or picking up a book. It’s all about escape.
5. What is the best book you ever read? A book I read every year for 10 years is, How To Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.
6. How did you make your first buck? Babysitting. I was a young babysitter too. I think back and am surprised people let me watch their kids at such a young age.
7. If you could take a year to get really good at something, what would you do? Piano. I have a upright grand piano that my great grandfather gave to my great grandmother for their first anniversary. I’d spend a year getting really good at playing it in honor of my great grandmother.
8. What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? My family didn’t have a lot of money growing up. We were a working class family. I can remember one Christmas not expecting to get anything. We were all prepared for it. And I remember waking up and there were gifts. Not big stuff, but there was little stuff. I can’t even remember what the gifts were, but I remember it and I know it must have been such a huge sacrifice for my mom to do what she did, because I know the financial situation we were in. But she didn’t want us to wake up with nothing. So that’s really meaningful for me.

OK Roots

Misty grew up in Oklahoma, left home to attend college in Missouri, after which she moved to Nashville, where she’s spent the last 15 years. The job she went to Nashville for was a missions position from a youth pastor she knew from home. The job she went to Nashville for was a missions project.  Soon after, she got a job in the music industry, and that job morphed into her working in artist management before starting her own business.

She tells me she can recall her dad being laid off from jobs during the 80’s and recalls feeling like that career plan offered very little in terms of stability. Being an entrepreneur, it could be argued, isn’t exactly high up on the stability ladder, but Misty felt that being in business for herself gave her the power and control she was searching for. Being a business owner wasn’t inherently stable, but as she’d seen from her dad’s career, a traditional job was even less so.

Evolution

Misty’s business has evolved over the years, and in 2004 she started MarketectU, which is an integrated marketing firm focused on working with speakers, authors, coaches and trainers. As Misty says, “My calling is helping people actualize their full potential. I have a knack for seeing someone’s true genius. All of my clients are interested in making a contribution – I work with them to find ways to do that, and often help them figure out how to get out of their own way. If you’re familiar with Joseph Campbell, I am here to support the “hero’s journey” and their “becoming”. That’s the sizzle for me.”

When I ask Misty about the most significant thing that’s happened for her in the last 30 days, she tells me about an author whose books and audio programs have had a huge impact on her recently. Alison Armstrong is her name, and her content is about the dynamics and differences between men and women. She shares a lot of information about how men and women can have better relationships by understanding each other better.

Misty tells me Alison’s programs have helped her understand her own journey better. She says, “Alison is funny. She says things like, ‘We expect men to be hairy women.’ We are different. Take how we make decisions for example. Men make decisions from more of an internal perspective – focusing on things such as honor, integrity and duty. Women tend to have more of an external focus and think about things like community and how a decision will affect other people and what people will think.”

Shifting Perception

Misty says the new knowledge has helped her understand her relationships better – particularly with the men in her life, including her father. She tells me, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Alison’s teachings have closed the loop for me in a lot of areas. I turn 40 this year, so a new understanding seems to be part of the overall evolution of my life.” We talk a little about the stuff we know intellectually to be true, but then really “get” at some point on a much deeper level. She adds, “Knowing about, and knowing are not the same thing. I can’t take credit for that. Someone else told it to me. But it’s true.” It sure is.

“A personal development junkie.” This is how Misty describes herself, sharing that she attended her first Tony Robbins seminar when she was 26. And she’s been going ever since. In fact, as I type this, she’s in NYC “crewing” an event. I ask for clarification and she explains that once you’ve attended a seminar, you are invited to come back as a volunteer to help with other events. This gal is seriously into Mr. Tall, Dark and Toothy. He is intriguing, that’s for sure!

People Skills

I wonder how she got so into Tony Robbins and Dale Carnegie and the whole genre of personal development. What she shares surprises me. She tells me she grew up in a “tight-knit, dysfunctional family.” She says, “I love my family, but we all have very strong personalities. When I moved away for college, I lived in the dorms and realized I didn’t have the people skills I needed. In my family, we all voiced our opinions and duked things out when we didn’t agree. I knew I couldn’t duke things out with other people, but I didn’t realize how strongly I came across. I was offending people and didn’t understand why. How To Win Friends and Influence People illuminated me to the perspectives of other people and taught me about empathy and that people, for the most part, have good intentions, even if we don’t agree.”

This topic is something she believes in so strongly, when I ask her what topic she thinks should be taught in school, but isn’t, she tells me it’s communication and relationship skills. She points out that most of us have careers that depend on good communication skills and the ability to work well with others, but it’s not something we learn to do. If we want personal development, we have to learn it on our own, outside of school. Misty would like to see that subject taught formally.

Go To Bed

What does Misty’s perfect day look like? She says, “It would start the night before, by going to bed at a decent hour.” I ask is she’s a night owl and she jokes, “I’m a recovering night owl. If I went to bed at 10pm then I could easily wake up at 6am, read, shower and walk the dogs without rushing.”

How about a daily habit she finds contributes to her overall success and well-being? Misty tells me she’s big on self-care, in general. She works from home, but makes an effort to get showered and dressed first thing, and says it has an impact on how she feels and how her day goes.

Misty tells me her best character trait is that she’s a nurturer. She says, “I love to give and to take care of. I find a lot of meaning and purpose in nurturing. And that’s why self-care is so important. The better I take care of myself, the better I can care for others.”

On the flip side, the character trait she’s not proud of is that when under stress, she says she can get really controlling. She adds, “I do everything I can to avoid that. I am very intentional and careful when hiring, taking on clients and making commitments.” I can relate to this and we joke that we do all the controlling on the front end to avoid the having to be controlling on the back end.

Tough Choices

What is something people might be surprised to learn about her? Misty say, “I am first-born, a business owner, a leader and I can make a hard choice if something isn’t working. The show must go on. I hate it when a relationship doesn’t work out. Hate, hate, hate it! But I won’t force a relationship that isn’t working. The way I conduct myself, sometime the perception might be “She doesn’t care.” But emotionally, it’s really hard on me. But I can’t always let people see that.”

Take Care

If given 30 seconds to make a speech to the world, Misty would have this to say, “Take care of your temple; your body. I had experiences where I didn’t even realize I wasn’t taking care of myself. For example, I ran marathons and ate healthy, but I wasn’t getting enough sleep. As entrepreneurs, we work so hard to create and build and then we can’t enjoy it. We become these people who are so stressed out and our bodies begin to fall apart. Honor the temple. Think about it, care about it and love yourself enough to want to preserve your health because it affects quality of life on so many levels.”

Misty’s message is relevant for us all. How many times have you worked late, taken on a project you didn’t have time for, or committed to something out of guilt? It’s something we can all relate to, on some level.

I love my job. Truly love it! And I love my clients. So often I find myself burning the midnight oil – putting an offer together or writing a letter to help my clients win a deal, for example. I show houses when it’s convenient for my clients – which often means weekends and evenings. And I will say it again, I love what I do! And the choices I make are my own.

But two weeks ago I got a stomach virus. A nasty one! And from Monday to Thursday I was in bed. I did have my phone and computer right next to me, but I slept every moment I could. I haven’t been that sick in as long as I can remember. Once I was feeling better, I had the realization that those were the only days I’d had off since Christmas.

I know I’m not alone. With the advent of the smart phone, overnight it seemed we went from a slightly overworked workforce, to being routinely “on-call” 24 hours a day. Maybe it’s just me, but the almost Pavlovian response to the chirps of my phone leave me in a constant state of “prepared to act”. We are constantly reacting. And expecting the same of others.

I keep a little mental to-do/follow-up list in my mind (admittedly, not the best place to store that). Just last week I became flustered when I realized that I had sent an important email and hadn’t yet gotten a response. It was 9am on a Friday. I fished through my inbox for the email so I could send a reminder and when I found it, I was appalled. Not with the delinquency of the responder, but with myself. The email had been sent at 5:50pm Thursday. 14 hours and 50 minutes previously. And to be fair, one actual business hour. What has gotten into me, I had to ask myself.

Misty is right. Let’s cut each other some slack. Let’s be kind to one another, allow each other to have an evening to ourselves; a weekend with family. But most importantly, let’s be kind and loving to ourselves! Put our needs on the list of considerations when we’re agreeing to things or adding events to our calendars. A friend once shared with me that unless the answer to whether you want to do something is “Hell, yes!” the answer is “no.”

Obviously, that’s not always realistic. There will always be things we have to do that aren’t thrilling. But I vow to preserve a few chunks of time every day for the “Hell, yes!” occasions, and I encourage you to do the same!

To learn more about Misty, visit her website. Or you might want to check out her newest project, Creative Entrepreneur Radio, where she interviews entrepreneurs who share the “real story” of their success – not just the pretty stuff.

If you enjoyed this interview, “Like” the Coffee With A Stranger Project Facebook page and you’ll be the first to know about upcoming interviews with new strangers and other fun stuff. If there’s someone in Austin you think I need to have coffee with, let me know and I’ll do my best to sweet talk them into having coffee with a stranger.