The Place: The Upper Crust

The Cup: Straight-up coffee for both of us.

Background: I got an email from Cup 17, Thom Singer introducing Patti and I – suggesting we meet for coffee. You bet! Thom knows that, much like The Fight Club, the first rule in coffee with a stranger is, you don’t talk about the stranger. Why? Because then they aren’t really a stranger. Thom did happen to mention that Patti had written a book, The Intentional Networker: Attracting Powerful Relationships, Referrals & Results in Business. The day Patti and I set up our meeting, I was at Book People looking for a book by Gary Keller, when I came across Patti’s name – staring back at me.

The best part about the whole thing, was when I turned around, there was a man sitting nearby, reading Patti’s book! I had to resist the urge to interrupt his reading to let him know that I had a coffee date set with the author.

When I finally sat down with Patti, she told me something that took me completely by surprise. I’ll tell you all about it in a moment, but first, some:

Common Grounds

1. What is the last thing you fixed? A leaking pipe. (I was impressed and asked her if she was handy. She told me no, not handy at all. The repair involved duct tape. That qualifies as handy in my book.)
2. What is your guilty pleasure? Wine.
3. How did you make your first buck? Babysitting.
4. What would be the worst job for you? Anything repetitive. I’d never make it in a manufacturing job. I’d lose a finger the first day because I’d be too distracted.
5. Where is your favorite place to eat in Austin? I like eating just about anywhere in Austin.
6. Who has been the most influential person in your life so far? My dad. My mom was influential as well, but my dad lived longer, so I got to know him as an adult and realized just how much I’m like him.
7. What is the best part about your job? Meeting really great people.
8. What is the last movie you watched? Four Weddings and A Funeral (She chuckles as she adds, “I just love that movie!”)
9. What is the best gift you ever received? Someone’s time.

What did Patti say that shocked me? She told me she’d asked Thom to introduce us. She’d seen the blog listed in the Austin Business Journal, alongside her own and many others and observed that mine was a break from the norm. She complimented me on “doing something interesting”, which I truly appreciated. She went on the site and when she saw the interview with Thom, she decided she’d ask him to introduce us. While I found this flattering and surprising, the more I learned about Patti, it all made perfect sense.

Patti is a fellow midwestern girl. We were both born in northern Minnesota – in small towns about 150 miles apart. As we got to know each other over the next hour or so, we both remarked that we were kindred spirits. The place of your roots serves as a grounding for who you become – and I have no doubt that our common geography has something to do with our instant rapport. We just “got” each other. As much fun as meeting strangers is, it’s nice to feel that instant communion with someone.

Patti’s grandfather started an auto dealership that her father would later take over. Patti grew up watching these men interact with customers, neighbors, people at the coffee shop, church, on the street. No one was a stranger. They took an interest in people; their lives, families and the things that mattered to them. They built a successful business on relationships.

Patti’s career began in fashion. She soon moved into marketing, communications and PR. She loved writing and was talented at it. As she built her business, the way she’d watched her grandpa and dad build theirs, she found great success by building key relationships and helping others. Over the next 30 years, she’d build an incredible network of professionals, give out thousands of referrals and have countless coffees and lunches with new and interesting people.

Considering her first business networking role models, Patti says, “I thought that’s how everybody did business. I later learned that not everybody knows how.”

The question Patti found herself answering most was, “How do you meet/know all these amazing people?” For Patti, networking was in her blood, so she needed to take some time to evaluate how to answer best. The answer has two parts.

1. I am intentional.
2. I engage with people everywhere.

What does that mean, “engage with people everywhere”? For Patti, like her dad before her, it means striking up conversation with those around you. If you are in line for coffee, greet the person in line behind you. When you are seated, waiting for a movie to start, talk to the person next to you. If you are at an event to hear about the latest news in your industry, find a friendly face and get a conversation rolling. Have something interesting to say, make a comment about something neutral in the news, offer a compliment, ask an engaging question.

Sound terrifying? That’s where the intentional part come in. When you go into the world, with a plan for engaging those around you, it’s easy. Take your intentions a step farther by setting goals for your interactions. “I’m going to visit with three new people today.” Or, “In line at Starbucks this morning, I’m going to ask the person behind me a fun question.” Maybe, “I’m going to give out three authentic compliments at work today.” Like anything new, once you get into the habit, it’s effortless and surprisingly fun.

Patti tells a story about a networking event she attended recently where the people sat down and before even exchanging a hello she says, “They started whipping out their business cards, like they were dealing out a game of poker. Eew!”

The questions she frequently found herself answering about how she built her network, coupled with countless examples of bad networking, made it apparent she needed to put the lessons into a book so she could share her insights, tips and know-how with everyone, everywhere.

The Intentional Networker: Attracting Powerful Relationships, Referrals & Results in Business was released October 2011. The book goes beyond simply offering a roadmap for building a strong network, by first taking a step back, and examining the purpose of the network. Who are you?  Why do you want to make the connections? What do you offer? What do you hope to gain from the experience? Patti asserts that until we know they “why” the “how” doesn’t really matter.

The book was met with critical acclaim and was the winner of the 2011 IndieReader Discovery Award for Non-Fiction, and a finalist in ForeWord Review’s 2011 Book of the Year.

I asked Patti to share something about herself that she thinks people might be surprised to learn. “I’m half-introvert,” she confides, adding that she loves being around people and engaging with new connections, but she also values her alone time, and needs a balance between the two to really be happy. Also, as part introvert, she often has to give herself a little pep talk before going into an event. Patti says,”I don’t like walking into a room full of strangers. Before I walk in, I ask myself, ‘Why am I doing this?’, ‘How do I want to feel after?’ and then remind myself that I have just as much of a right to be in that room as everyone else. We all need to remember that everyone is anxious about meeting new people.”

The contents of people’s bucket lists are always of interest to me and for Patti, it’s filled with with travel dreams to exotic locations. She’s also got a triathlon on the list, as well as writing another book.

In the last 30 days, the most significant thing that has happened to Patti were a series of things, actually, that all happened on the same day. She got back on a bike for the first time in 25 years, signed up for a zipline adventure, and booked a trip to Paris. Patti said, “At the end of that day I was exhausted. I’d gone so far out of my comfort zone I had vertigo. But it was exhilarating!”

If happiness were the national currency, Patti says she’d make her living doing more of what she already does. She says, “I love what I’m doing. When I think about my perfect day, there might be more dancing, fun, creativity and painting – but I live my perfect life most days.”

Obviously this is a woman who lives a life of passion. I wonder what drives her. She tells me she’s driven to make her life matter. The best compliment she ever received is that she’s inspired someone. I get the feeling this is one she hears frequently. She’s certainly been an inspiration to me in the 60 minutes we’ve known each other.

Patti has accomplished a lot, so I’m curious which achievement she’d name as her greatest to date. “My son Ryan,” Patti says with a twinkle in her eye and a soft smile on her face.  She says, “I really like who he is as a person. I like who he hangs around with, what he does and I like being around him. When he’s gone, I miss him.”

A book that Patti read that had a profound impact on her was Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. I am also a huge fan of this book and everything else Brené has written. When Patti tells me she’s certain that she and Brené would make great friends – if only they knew each other, I laugh because I’ve said those exact words. I want to know which part of the book was most impactful and Patti tells me it’s the whole vulnerability thing. She says, “To be vulnerable is to really live. The times when I’ve been the most vulnerable that’s when all the support shows up and when the greatest ideas come.”

Patti reminds me of the Theodore Roosevelt quote Brené uses in the book, that illustrates the value of vulnerability nicely.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Recently, Patti did a “morning pages” journaling activity. If you aren’t familiar, morning pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing,
done first thing in the morning. It’s not about perfection, it’s simply about writing whatever comes to mind. What she came up with is a statement about what life is about. She tells me, “It’s about loving and being loved, enjoying life and making a difference.”

I ask Patti what she’d tell the world if she had 30 seconds her message is: “I love and appreciate everybody. I am the luckiest girl in the world! And I got here because I wasn’t afraid to put myself out there. It’s all about relationships – making connections. Be yourself and remember, it’s the relationships that matter most. People matter!”

Patti learned how to build a strong network through the examples of her grandfather and her father. She’s used those skills to connect with untold numbers of incredible people. She has built a successful referral business – connecting vetted professionals with those in search of services. She turned her story and her methods into a book so that anyone, anywhere can become an intentional networker.

Remarkable stuff!

What Patti also has  – which can’t be taught in a class or delivered in a book – is a genuine interest in people. She’s willing to be vulnerable and put herself out there, knowing that the reward is meeting the most interesting people. Patti’s magic – her secret sauce, if you will – is this. She cares. She knows that what matters most in the whole wide world is the people – the relationships. She’s intentional in her networking and she’s also intentional in her love of people and in her desire to make her life matter. Patti matters. And in her world, you matter too!

To learn more about Patti, visit her website or you can follow her on Twitter.