The Place: Mozart’s Coffee

The Cup: Iced coffee for both of us.

Background: Cup 16, Terry Grier met with Rebekah and among lots of other things, they wound up chatting about the Coffee With a Stranger project. Rebekah found me on Twitter and said she was a fan of the project (how sweet!). So when Terry and I got together one day and he suggested I invite Rebekah for coffee, I agreed it would be a blast. She was totally on board for chatting with a stranger over coffee, so it was a done deal.

At the time of our coffee chat, Rebekah was, like many other twenty-somethings, fully immersed in Project: Find A Job. I’m thrilled to report that since our meeting, she got her dream job and starts work on Monday. So exciting!!!

Before we delve into Rebekah’s story, let’s cover some:

Common Grounds

1. How did you make your first buck? I worked at a cattle auction every Saturday for two years, starting my junior year. 
   
2. What’s a food you can’t live without? Tex-Mex.
3. What is your favorite way to unwind? Depends on my mood. I get a lot of energy from my friends, so I like to get out. Or sometimes I just like to go to a coffee shop and people watch or read.
4. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? I loved the Disney Channel – especially the concerts. A lot of bands got their start on Disney.
5. What’s the best place to eat in Austin? Second Bar and Kitchen and La Condesa. I also love Pint House Pizza for a more casual place. Local beers and delicious farm to table pizzas. And I love that it’s like a mile from my house.
6. What is something you’ll regret not doing if you don’t do it? Traveling.
7. What is the best gift you ever got? The best gifts are personal, and thoughtful. My grandparents traveled to New Zealand one year and they gave me a really nice jade ring for my birthday. My granddad had snuck one of my rings on before they went, and remembered where it sat on his finger so he knew what size to get. Also, one year our neighbors gave us 12 days of Christmas. We didn’t know who it was from at the time and every day we were excited waiting to see what would come. It was really fun!
8. What is your favorite movie? Amelie.  
9. If you could swap lives with someone for one day, who would you pick? I really like cool people. Amy Poehler does a lot of really cool things and she started this organization called Smart Girls at the Party that I don’t think many people know about. It’s a YouTube channel and it’s geared toward young women; they interview business people, or show you how to do a fun craft project. There is a segment called Ask Amy, and it’s geared toward pre-teen girls, but I love it. I will watch a video and end up crying at the end. These girls write in these questions and she always has a very honest and open answer; it always relates back to your life. I like what she’s doing.

Rebekah grew up in a small town called Gatesville, TX, and says unless you’ve driven through it, you’re not likely to have heard of it. Coming from a town with a similar story, I can relate. She went to college at Texas A&M University and tells me she was very active and involved during college. After graduation, she was determined to move to Austin. Unfortunately, a job offer was still months away, so she moved home and worked while hunting for a company to begin a career with. Seven months into the search, her Aggie network paid off and she was recruited to work for a biotech company in Austin.

Austin, Austin…how we love thee! This city seems to have magical powers – it draws people in with the promise of fun, sunshine-filled days spent on the lake or the trails, more places to eat a taco than there are days in a year and nightlife rich with amazing live music, cool bars and non-stop activity. Then you move here and quickly realize it’s at least 25 times more incredible than you dreamt it would be. No one told you there’s a funky coffee shop on every corner, that your dog gets to come with you wherever you go and the people are funny, interesting, attractive and welcoming. Oh, and apartments and houses…dirt cheap!  Ha, ha. Just checking to see if you were paying attention. It was all true except that last bit. Although I must add, as a Realtor in this incredible city, deals are hard to find – yes. But prices continue to climb, so it’s still a great time to buy.

Rebekah, like me and every other Austinite, fell hard and fast for her new city. She enjoyed her job, loved the people and was happy as a clam. After about a year, she sensed a shift coming within her company, so she decided to make a move to a creative start-up where she found a marketing gig. She loved that job too! Sadly, after about 6 months, the layoff wagon came around and she was let go.

OK, no biggie. She’d done the job hunt thing before, so she’d just get back into it. She kept a positive attitude and looked at the experience as a chance to learn about herself and to grow. She applied for anything that sounded interesting and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

Rebekah admits to me that as an “achiever” in high school and college, patience was a difficult pill to swallow. She was used to hard work paying off with results, but in her job hunt, it seemed the harder she worked, the results were still nada.

Months went by and as she told me, some days were good and some were bad. Some days she was able to see the silver lining and realize that in the large scheme of things, this span of time represented a small portion of all the exciting work years she had ahead of her. She read, made new connections and met with countless people – and did a lot of soul searching. On bad days, she worried her parents wondered what happened to their high achiever daughter – she worried that maybe she was trying too hard to make things work, and wondered if she was on the wrong path.

Patience is a funny thing. Funny, as in, damned hard. For example, I just ate lunch, and sometimes when I’m writing a blog post (OK, always) I want a little treat to keep me going. And by treat, I mean chocolate. So I told myself, finish the post and your reward will be a chocolate bar. Oh goody, the child within me exclaimed – and then promptly got up from the computer and got the chocolate. Clearly, I have trouble with patience.

I can’t imagine how trying it must have been for Rebekah to maintain her patience and keep moving forward with the job search for six months. But she did, and it obviously paid off!

I asked Rebekah about the most significant thing that’s happened to her in the last 30 days, and she tells me about a really good friend who got a promotion and moved away. She says she was really excited and happy for her friend, but it was also hard, because the girl had been a mentor for Rebekah and she’d miss her terribly. She adds that a lot of her friends seem to be moving into new things – jobs, relationships – some have even gotten engaged recently. I can distinctly recall this happening to me as well. Mid-twenties are a time for lots of change and new beginnings. It’s very emotional, and I can tell it’s been a challenge for Rebekah as well.

What would people be surprised to learn about her? Rebekah says that recently she was talking with a friend about interviews, and practicing some answers and Rebekah asked her friend a question that revealed the surprising way her friend saw her.  She observed that Rebekah is different professionally than she is personally. She says at work she is very type-A: driven, project management focused and intense. As a friend, she is outgoing, fun and is a connector. This idea was reinforced when on a date, the discussion went to the topic of high school. Rebekah mentioned being valedictorian and the guy seemed shocked. Rebekah said, “I didn’t really know if I should be impressed or insulted by this.” She went on to tell me she is working on trying to bring the two sides of herself closer together.

Are you different in a work environment than you are with friends or on the golf or tennis court? I know I am. Sure, for the most part I’m just me – but I’ve definitely got two distinct sides. My husband does too. As of 18 months ago, we both work from home. When I first heard him on a conference call, I thought, “Who is that dude?” You think after 11 years of marriage, you really know a person but then they surprise you. It left me curious if this is true for all of us.

What does Rebekah consider to be the biggest issue facing society today? She says it’s apathy, explaining, “People are very self-involved. People only care about – ‘How is this going to affect me? Am I getting what I need?’  Also, there aren’t enough conversations. People are afraid to express an opinion – especially people my age. It’s blamed on technology, but I think people are just risk-averse. They are so wrapped up in their experience and they are freaked out about talking to people.”

Since she brought up this generational thing, I decide to dig a little further to get to what she thinks is going on. Rebekah is 24 years old, and much is written these days about the “millennials” – so I was curious what her thoughts were. Her insights were at once profound and shocking and made total sense.

“All we’ve known is a level of risk-aversion. From the dot-com bust to 9/11 – the economy to the War on Terror. There have always been external concerns and we’ve been taught to avoid risk. Kids become overly concerned about their feelings and begin to look for the deeper meaning. When you are always trying to be socially or politically correct, you never want to express a strong opinion about something because it might offend someone. You try to balance the fear with looking internally. How do I absorb as much info as I can about this topic, and have an opinion, without getting attached? People are afraid of commitment – of taking a side. If I commit to this opinion, what if I change my mind? If I commit to this job, I may be missing out on something. How do I get as much out of this experience and absorb as much meaning without getting too attached? It’s about reaching saturation and then moving on to the next thing or experience.”

What?

No way!

OK, that totally makes sense.

In order, those were the thoughts that ran through my head as I took in what she was suggesting.

Born in 1976, I am a child of the 80s-90s. When I grew up, playing in the street was encouraged. During the summer, you spent your days outside and curfew was the sun setting. If you were getting into trouble and a neighbor saw it, your mom was definitely finding out. We lost basketball games and went home losers – hopefully determined to try harder next time. There were bullies, but their wrath came in an alley on your walk home. As long as you could outrun them, you’d be okay.

Millennials played inside, because it was safer that way. They grew up with Amber Alerts – fearful of being snatched up by a stranger. Winners and losers get a trophy, sure. But what fun is that? And bullies now lurk on the internet where no one is safe and the shame and humiliation leads kids to take drastic measures.

The most notable difference though is the idea of permanence. The other day my childhood friend shared this:

 

So true! When we said or did something dumb, it was gone and forgotten about a day or so later. Now, every word, every moment, every move you make might be captured and shared with the world for eternity (or a very, very long time at least). That’s gotta suck! Your teens and 20s are all about making mistakes and learning from them, but what happens when everyone is afraid to make one? What happens when everyone is scared of looking stupid or offending someone?

After our coffee, Rebekah shared this video and I was struck by the message:

The Innovation of Loneliness

I love great advice! And I love, love, love awesome quotes! Turns out, so does Rebekah!  One of her favorites at this moment is this:

What if every day is the perfect day to finally be who you were meant to be?

As for advice, this girl is full of surprises! She tells me that the best advice she got recently came from a guy friend who texted her a link to a poem. A poem from 1927!  It’s called Desiderata and it was written by a wise dude named Max Ehrmann. The line she references is this: Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. I admit, “literary buff” is not something you’d find on the list of 25 interesting facts about Melissa. So when I tell you I hadn’t heard of or read the poem before, I suppose that’s not a shocker. But after reading it, I wondered why not. It’s awesome! Like perhaps one of the greatest poems I’ve ever read. Really, go read it. I’m pretty sure you’ll find serious wisdom in this 86 year old poem. Ehrmann may be no Macklemore, but he’s pretty close!

On the subject of advice, if given 30 seconds to address the world, Rebekah would have this to say: “Be calm and OK with yourself. You can’t expand until you understand what you’re about. Try harder to be open and have conversations with people. If you have questions – ask them.  People are scared to do that. A whole lot of misunderstanding could be avoided if people would just talk. First try to understand yourself, then other people – that’s a good place to start.”

I couldn’t agree more. So much has been said about millennials – what’s wrong with them, what’s right with them, how to talk to them, how to work with them – there’s even an article about how they’re going to be the death of the NFL. I admit, I’ve read all of it. And I had lots of opinions of my own. To anyone interested in knowing what’s up with this generation of young people, here’s an idea – talk to one. I say that in all sincerity with zero snark. It sounds so simple, but I admit that until my conversation with Rebekah, I was perfectly happy with the truth I’d spackled together with bits I’d read in the news and on the internet and my own opinions. This is not how we discover truth, and I knew better.

Rebekah is a kind, beautiful and brilliant young woman. She’s practicing patience and getting comfortable with the idea that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should. She has opinions, great ideas and wise tidbits of advice she’s not afraid to share. She’s experiencing life as it comes and working on being open to the journey. She’s a learner – seeing everything as a chance to learn about herself and those around her. And lucky for me, she’s also a teacher.

I learned more from an hour with Rebekah than from the dozens of articles I’ve read on millennials. I walked away with an understanding, and with a sense of hope. The kids are all right – we’re in excellent hands and this country’s future is bright. Can’t make any promises about the NFL though.