The Place: Summermoon Coffee House

The Cup: I had the largest cup of coffee you’ve ever seen. Seriously, it took both hands to hoist it to my mouth. Which, for the record, didn’t slow me down one bit. Jennifer, with her dainty hands, would have never been able to lift the cup. Fortunately, she selected Dirty Chai (my new favorite!) which came in a much more manageable drinking apparatus.

The Background: Maybe you didn’t know this about me, but I am a Realtor. It’s my money-maker. (And no, I don’t shake it. Well, OK, I do sometimes.) I love my job! I get to meet the most incredible people and then I have the pleasure of helping them find the perfect home in the best city on earth! Seriously, who wouldn’t love my job!?!

Last fall I sold a home to Mairin, who is now my pal! I adore her and have to admit, was just a tiny bit sad once we found her dream house, because it meant our little house hunting adventures (and there were some doozies!) had to come to an end.  We’re still buds though, so that’s the silver lining. Oh, and she loves her awesome house!

Mairin made this particular coffee possible. Mairin’s brother Taylor is an awesome guy and he happens to have a fantastic girlfriend, Jennifer. Mairin introduced me to Jennifer with a note about a book she was writing, a groovy school she was getting her Masters from, with a personal aside that she was just an incredible person who I would really enjoy knowing. Sold!

Before we get into Jennifer’s tale of adventure and mystery, let’s cover some:

Common Grounds:

1. What’s a food you can’t live without? Ramen noodles, out of the package. I’ve got quite the addiction, so I have to limit myself to twice a month. I realize they’re bad for me, but they are a comfort food. I have all kinds of recipes that I make with them. {Jennifer was kind enough to share one of her favorite recipes. Look for it below.}
2. What’s your guilty pleasure? Food porn (for those who don’t know, that’s a term for taking pics of the food you eat, before you consume it.)
3. How did you make your first buck? Babysitting. I had read Babysitter’s Club and always wanted to babysit. I still have all my books.
4. What is the last thing you fixed? That should be an easy question because I break things all the time. I could get all philosophical and say, ‘Myself”. I’ve been trying to fix my mindset and learn to deal with setbacks.
5. What’s the best gift you ever got? Jackie. She’s Taylor’s dog, but now she’s also mine. They day he admitted that she was my dog too was a big deal. I’ve always wanted a dog but I’ve been so nomadic for so long. That moment where he welcomed me into his family and she was my dog. I’m getting teary-eyed. She’s really sweet.
6. What’s your favorite movie? The Labyrinth – it has an amazing soundtrack, which says something about my musical taste. My friends and I have a lot of inside jokes now about the movie. {They even made a drinking game, affectionately named The David Bowie Fan Club}.
7. What’s your favorite way to unwind? Dancing. In high school I was too self-conscious, but I started really loving it in college. Taylor isn’t a dancer, but I’m trying to talk him into some swing lessons. So, dancing. But also, a bottle of wine is a good way to relax.
8. If you could swap lives with someone for a day, who would you pick? My brother. He’s got three kids and an awesome wife. They live in Virginia. It would be neat to be around my nieces and nephew. I’m not ready for kids yet, but it would be nice to get my “kid-fix” and hang out with them for a bit.

When Adventure Calls You Go

Jennifer is an adventurer. As an adult, it’s by choice. A couple of years ago she packed her things and moved to Thailand! How’s that for adventure! But even as a child she lived an adventurous life. Jennifer is also someone who does not shy away from the truth, but has an elegant way of turning something beautiful, even if it didn’t start out that way. Much like an old, tarnished, silver picture frame can shine, given the right amount of polish and effort.

What do I mean when I say “adventure”? Jennifer moved nearly a dozen times before she was in the 4th grade. She has lived in a tent, a bus and a barn. She describes her mother as a crazy hippie and a high school drop-out who Jennifer tells me, “struggled with things I will never understand and unfortunately, won’t ever be able to ask her about.”

Jennifer’s mom died when she was 14 and from that point on, perhaps even earlier, Jennifer was taking care of herself. She shares that she has a loving circle of people who care about her – a step-father, an aunt, her older brother and her friends.  Jennifer calls it her “patch-work quilt family”. I love the image – a bunch of squares of fabric, cut from old tattered shirts, tablecloths and sheets. Stitched together with love; creating something wholly new. Beautiful, colorful and functional.

Look for Silver Linings

I have no doubt, this wasn’t an idyllic childhood of Cabbage Patch Dolls, Barbie’s Dream House and ponies. But Jennifer never says so. Instead, she recounts for me stories of people doing the best they could. Times spent making the best of bad situations. She sees the best in people and in circumstances.

When Jennifer was going into the first grade, she and her family had just moved from California to Florida. In California, kids were taught to read in first grade. In Florida they learned in Kindergarten. Jennifer needed to learn quickly, so her mom bought some flash cards and they worked day and night for a month, until Jennifer learned to read. She hasn’t stopped reading since.

Pivotal Moments

One question I love to ask people is about a book that was pivotal or even life changing. For Jennifer, it was Babysitter’s Club. For someone wrapping up her Master’s in English and Literature, it’s a curious answer. One that makes perfect sense with this explanation – “It made me want to read.” Jennifer tells me she and her mom would head to the library, and though Jennifer doesn’t recall what books she picked up, she does remember her mom always grabbed an Agatha Christie novel.  Another memory Jennifer shares with me is when the Scholastic Book Fair was going on and they had a special Babysitter’s Club book program where they sent you four books a month. She tells me that although they were “dirt poor” – her mom said “yes” and signed her up. She’s recalls eagerly going to the PO box to get her newest books and then devouring them immediately. She said she learned to enjoy reading them over and over again. It was a very special memory.

It’s funny, because I have a similar one. And recently, when my brother and I took an extended road trip together, this is a topic we found ourselves reminiscing about. We both loved book fair time. We loved taking those four-page flyers of colorful newsprint home, and then carefully reading each book description and making our selections. Our parents were young and while I never once felt poor, I know that on paper, we probably were. My brother and I both remarked at the fact that no matter how many books we picked, our parents never told us no. We’d head back to school with an order form and a check, filled out in my mom’s beautiful handwriting. Looking back, I’m sure the total on those checks was often more than our grocery bill. But never, not once, were we made to feel anything but ecstatic about making our book order. And today, like Jennifer, I absolutely love reading. What a gift!

Jennifer took this love for reading and spent the last seven years helping kids from difficult situations discover it for themselves. She began teaching in Houston with the Teach For America program. She has taught reading and ESL and has been a teacher at KIPP – “Knowledge Is Power Program”, which is a network of free, open-enrollment, college-preparatory public schools dedicated to preparing students in under-served communities for success in college and in life. She loved teaching. She worked hard – 60 to 80 hour weeks. She adored her students. She gave it everything she had. And that was the problem. She had nothing left over, for her friends, family, or herself.

Your Dreams Matter Too

Jennifer realized she needed to make a change. This summer, she will graduate from Middlebury College with her Master’s Degree. She has spent every summer, for the last five years, taking classes, and soon that hard work will pay off. A couple of conversations with professors and mentors have been ringing in her ears and she decided to make a very tough choice. One line in particular is on a repeat loop in her brain. “You’re not a writer unless you write.” After many years of talking about writing, Jennifer quit teaching full-time  to pursue this passion. She is writing! Man, she really is writing! Over 40,000 words in just four days, I see from one of her most recent posts on Facebook. I get antsy when the word count ekes past 2.000.

Writers Write

The most significant thing that’s happened in the last 30 days for Jennifer is that she’s already finished the first draft of her first book. She wasted no time and has already moved on to the next one. She shows me the printed out version of the first book in a binder she brought along. I felt like the binder was glowing a little and that I was sitting with the next J. K. Rowlings or J. D. Salinger. It was a magical moment, and I just know this girl is going places!

The first book is a young adult science-fiction story that features parallel universes. Jennifer explained the premise to me in a way that was quite clear and extremely compelling. But trust me when I tell you, I have no business – ZERO! – trying to explain it back to you folks. Sorry! Jennifer says, just nonchalantly, “I had some problems with infinity. It’s especially hard with multiple characters. So I had to figure out a way to limit infinity.” Then followed this up with, in a giddy voice, “I’ve been learning all about quantum mechanics.” Yeah, this chick is serious! Seriously awesome! You are definitely going to want to read her book!

Who’s That Girl?

Fun fact: Jennifer doesn’t actually go by Jennifer. Nope, not Jen or Jenny either. She goes by “Duckie”. Why? Interesting story.

Her mom went into labor in the back of a taxi cab in the middle of rush-hour traffic. Jennifer ended up coming into this world in the arms of the cab driver who spoke no English. All Jennifer’s mom could recall him saying was something along the lines of “duc dong”. And that’s how Jennifer became “Duckie”. Cool story, right? I was totally in shock at the craziness, when Jennifer looked at me, laughed and said, “No, it’s not true.”

She told me another version of her Duck Tale that gets a lot of play is that she is Russian and that Duckie is short for Duckadeena.

The actual, true origin of the nickname takes place on a soccer field, where Jennifer showed up for the first day of practice wearing a shirt with a duck on it. Her coach called her “Duckie” and it stuck. Jennifer tells me that she was supposed to be a boy and her name was going to be Lucas Taylor. Instead, when she came out a girl, her hippie mother didn’t name her Moonbeam or Sunshine. No, she named her one of the most common girl’s names in history. So Duckie contends that the new nickname was just the Universe correcting her mom’s mistake.

Passion Can Be Intimidating

People might be surprised to learn that Duckie isn’t as prim and proper as she appears. She says that her years of being a teacher, learning to remove curse words from her vocabulary and replace them with interesting substitutions, such as “Snicker Doodles!” have led people to think she’s conservative. But she’s not. And she’s not nearly as judgmental as she worries people might think.

“I admit I can get on a soapbox and am passionate about saving the world. I feel strongly about helping people. I think sometimes people mistake that passion for judgment,” Jennifer says. She tells me she felt it particularly in her summers at Middlebury. Most of the students in her Master’s program are teachers, but unlike Jennifer, who taught at title 1 schools and has worked with disadvantaged kids, about half of them teach at private schools. When Jennifer would share stories of her struggles working with her students, she sometimes got the impression people thought she looked down on them. She said, “Teaching is hard, no matter where you’re at. Kids are kids. It’s a hard job. I don’t judge anyone for the path they chose and I would never say mine was the better choice.”

What Are We Teaching Them?

According to Jennifer, the biggest issue facing society today is our cookie-cutter approach to education. She says, “We believe there’s only one path to greatness. I would have some of the most brilliant students not do well on a standardized test and then think they’re idiots. I had kids who are going to change the world; kids who are smarter than me. When they didn’t do well on a test, they felt like failures. Being in the system, with so many kids who need help – and instead of helping them, we give them a standardized test and say, ‘If you pass this, then you get to participate in your education.’ It’s all of our responsibility – parents, teachers and the students. The students need to learn, there are opportunities, but you do have to work for it. I feel like the education system is either what makes a society great, or destroys it.”

I asked Jennifer about something she believed to be true for a long time, but now knows differently. She tells me, “This summer I read an article called  “Moral Saints” about how unhealthy it is to give yourself completely to something. It was weird, because I hadn’t even realized that’s what I had been doing with my teaching job. When you see someone give everything to something, like teaching, you think – it’s good and noble. But it really isn’t. Often they are unhealthy and unhappy; not well-rounded. I had forgotten about all the other things that made me who I was, and was so focused on everyone else. Now, I’ve been learning it’s okay to be selfish. It sounds so negative when you hear, ‘You are being so selfish!’ Being selfish is actually being very giving, because you make yourself better, you learn a path for yourself, and then you are better able to contribute. It’s like filling up your own gas tank. You can’t give someone a ride if you’re on empty.”

Listen Up, Friends

If Duckie had 30 seconds to make a speech to the world, this is her message:

“Question everything. You hold on to these beliefs and you think they are solid and perfect, but someone else has a different perspective on it. When you hold on to these beliefs too strongly then you don’t ever open up to learn something new. Always questions yourself. It’s not even my advice. It came from reading Socrates and Plato last summer. It opened up a whole different world of possibilities for me. No matter where you’re at, there is always a silver lining, a way out, an open window when all the doors are closed. Just open yourself up and don’t feel so trapped by your own beliefs. The only way to grow as a person and to learn is to take in other perspectives and learn from those lessons. ”

Find Your Passion and Share It

Duckie has had some incredible adventures. And no doubt, many more await her. She is proof that when you love something, you must follow your heart and go after it. Life is too short to spend it achieving someone else’s dream or living up to their expectations. You can spend your days giving your all to something you are great at, but if it doesn’t feed your soul, it’s never going to be enough.

Be selfish! And find something that excites you! No one else can achieve your goals for you. Like Jennifer learned, it you want to be a writer, you’re going to have to write.

If we’re ever going to fix education, I think Jennifer’s story offers a clue to the solution. Sure, we’ve got to find people who are passionate about teaching and then find a way to reward them appropriately – both with pay as well as a reasonable workload. That’s part of it. Even more important is reminding parents what power they have to shape and influence their kids. If you want them to enjoy reading and learning, make it exciting. Be a part of it. Read with them. Take them to the library. Let them see you reading and learning.

Teachers and parents have a huge impact. But the very most important thing we can do, as a society, is to love and support every kid we come in contact with. It’s our job, as adults, to be role models, to encourage them, to let them know when they’re headed down the wrong path and to guide them toward good choices. It’s a big job. But I can’t think of a more important one. And if we were to agree that “it takes a village” and to commit to stepping up and being there, we could really make some progress.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, lessons are learned all day, every day. Learning doesn’t happen solely in a classroom. Let every action you take, every choice you make, be a lesson that you’d want someone to learn from. They’re watching us and they’re learning. Let’s teach them well.