The Place: Book People – The Cafe

The Cup: Coffee for me, and Canan enjoyed a mint tea.

The Background: A good friend of mine recently connected me to an amazing woman here in Austin – Stephanie Barko. Stephanie is a Literary Publicist with a client who was just about to publish her first work of  historical fiction. Stephanie thought I’d enjoy meeting her client, Canan, and that she’d be the perfect stranger to have a cup with. She was right on the money!

Before we get into Canan’s incredible story and find out how this architectural writer found herself writing historical fiction, let’s cover some:

Common Grounds:

1. What’s a food you can’t live without? Anything crunchy and salty. My daughter will tell you it’s Pirate’s Booty. But really, anything like that.
2. What’s your guilty pleasure? Shopping – books, clothes, shoes, scarves. I have a scarf issue.
3. How did you make your first buck? I was staying with my grandmother in Germany when I was about 11. I went to work with her at the European Space Agency – she was the librarian. She took me to work with her and had me help her reshelve the books. On Friday, her boss came in and handed me a check for 20 marks. I didn’t even cash the check, I was so excited. I think I may still have that check somewhere – my dad just gave me cash. So the European Space Agency’s accounts aren’t balancing.
4. What is the last thing you fixed? My email.
5. What’s the best gift you ever got? Well, my daughter. She’s the greatest gift in my life.
6. What’s your favorite thing to do with your daughter? We go for walks and talk. That’s a treat. We also love going to the book store. Going to Book People is a bribe.
7. What’s your favorite place to eat in Austin? My favorite right now is Sway.
8. What is your favorite neighborhood in Austin? Travis Heights. I love South Austin.  {Ooh, me too!}
9. What’s your favorite way to unwind? Reading.
10. What is the best compliment you ever got? That I was a good mother. That was a really nice compliment, because it’s a hard job!

We Begin at the Beginning

The story begins in Germany. Well, I suppose that depends on which story we’re talking about. The Roses Underneath, which is the recently published historical fiction written by Canan, takes place in Germany. Canan’s story, though, begins in Turkey.

Canan grew up all over the globe. Her Turkish father and German mother were not adventure-averse, and the small family found themselves moving every four years or so, because of Canan’s father’s job as a Chemical Engineer. While this lifestyle sounds exciting to an outsider, it wasn’t without it’s share of heartache. Specifically, Canan recounts the move from Australia to Corpus Christi, TX when she was 14 years old. She’s says, “It was rough. You’ve got to remember, this was before there was internet and email, and phone calls were like $6 a minute.” To leave all your friends behind and move to a brand new place is challenging at any age, but I imagine at 14, it’s just a little harder.

Making new friends and adjusting to new cultures and environments was just the way of life for Canan.  No one is more surprised than she is that Austin has been her home since she moved here for college in the late 80s, with the exception of a brief move to Germany after college graduation.  She loves Austin and has no plans to leave the incredibly diverse and funky city we both adore.

Do What You Love

Canan’s career has been focused on art, architecture and design. She’s co-authored a book called The Owner’s Dilemma: Driving Success and Innovation in the Design and Construction Industry which explores flaws within the design and construction industries and presents a case for better efficiencies. She’s also been active in the Texas Society of Architects, and spent seven years as the editor of Texas Architect Magazine. In 2001, she went into business for herself, and has built a practice doing what she loves the most: working with architects to help them communicate their message and their value in the most compelling way possible. She loves her job so much, when I ask what would make her rich, if happiness were the national currency, her answer, “Exactly what I’m doing now!”

Her latest book, as I mentioned earlier, is a little different style of writing than Canan is used to. It was a stretch for her. There were moments she wasn’t sure she’d finish. Writing began about five years ago, and she says, “It just snowballed and about halfway through I thought, ‘Well, I can’t not finish at this point.'” So thankfully for all of us readers who have enjoyed or are enjoying it so, she carried on.

The book is historical fiction, and other than the architect character, it bears little resemblance to her day job. But it’s been a creative outlet that she’s enjoyed, and she tells me it feels wonderfully rewarding to be finished. Well, except for the period of time between it being sent out for review and getting the feedback returned. She says that was a scary time. You put something you’ve worked so hard on and poured years of your life into, out there and ask for feedback. You are consumed with doubt and worry. Canan jokes that had it not been for her publicist, Stephanie, she might have finished it and just said, “There, I’m done. No one needs to read it. I finished it and that’s all that matters.”

What Stephanie knew was that the book was terrific, and that people would love it. 4.9 out of 5 stars on Amazon tells me Stephanie was right! I got to be a part of a very special moment. Canan and I had coffee the day the book hit the shelves at Book People. While we were there, the employees asked if she’d sign a few copies and I was there to witness the special moment.

Surprise!

I’m curious what Canan thinks people might be surprised to learn about her. She thinks about it a moment and then shares a story of a time in her early twenties when someone remarked that she was “tough as nails.” She was so surprised to learn this was how she had been perceived. Canan says, “People might be surprised to learn that I am more nervous and insecure than they think.”

Another tidbit I found interesting is that Canan is an only child. Her mother is also an only child, as was her grandmother. Keeping the generational trend alive, Canan has one child, an eight year old daughter. Four generations of women, all only children. Must be some significance there.

I love to hear what people have on their bucket lists. Canan has nothing for me. She tells me she lives her life in phases, where she’s into something, and then it passes, and she’s into something else. So it’s less about making a list and more about doing the things that interest her in the moment.

Actually, I love that, and can totally relate. For many years, my husband Dave and I were cyclists. We rode nearly every weekend and many weekday evenings with friends for years. We enjoyed the sport, bought all the equipment and even did a couple of 150+ mile two-day rides to raise money and  awareness for Multiple Sclerosis in a ride from Houston to Austin called the MS 150. One day, we were done. We had lost interest and realized riding was more of a chore than an activity that brought us joy. So, we sold our bikes and moved on to the next thing. I think it’s important to allow yourself the permission to change your mind. If you aren’t having fun, it’s time to move on.

Writers Read

Stephen King said, “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” I ask Canan about reading and she surprises me by telling me she’s not been reading much lately. She took a break from reading while she finished up writing, but is eager to get back to it. A book that was significant in her life was John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath. Canan says, “It was the first book where I noticed the writing. I had always focused only on the story before. But Steinbeck wrote a great story and he was a straight forward user of words.” The teacher who assigned this book was Canan’s 11th grade English teacher, who, a few years ago, Canan ran into at a writer’s conference. The pair reconnected and have had a monthly lunch together ever since. 

When I ask Canan about the best advice she’s ever gotten, she tells me it’s the idea that we’re all connected. The advice was, “Treat everyone the same. You are better than no one and no one is better than you.” Canan adds, “We are all equal and we are here to help each other out.”

Work In Progress

If she could change something about herself, she says she’d be more patient. “I’m very impatient. I get easily irritated. And Austin traffic is the worst.  I am working on it though.” she says. How, I wonder? She tells me, “By trying to just let it go. Reminding myself that it’s fine. If I am a few minutes late, it’s fine. If something lasts longer than I expected, it’s fine. I am very time-driven and get a little time obsessed. But I’m working on it.”

A practice that she’s hoping will aid in remedying this time-obsession is meditation. Canan tells me she began the practice about a year ago and tries to incorporate it into her morning ritual every day. She shares with me that she read a quote from the Dalai Lama recently on the topic of mediation. He was talking about starting with focusing on breathing, then moving toward clearing the mind. You don’t move on until you’ve mastered that, which he said could take four to five years. Canan says, “I read that and was relieved. Four to five years? Great, I’m on track!”

We’re In This Together

Canan believes the greatest issue facing society today is forgetting that we are all connected and that we’re here to help one another. She says, “There is so much hatred and violence. There’s this idea that if you get something, that it somehow takes something away from me. We should share. Rising tides raise all ships. We forget that.”

Success or failure, what is the better teacher? According to Canan, that’s a no-brainer. “Failure, for sure! You fail way more than you succeed. It’s about how you react to failure. Success is an arrival. The failures are the process. When I was writing the book, I got rejected a lot. I did get upset. It was hard. But you don’t give up. You don’t say, ‘Oh, never mind then.’ You don’t throw it away. You learn a lot and you keep going.”

You’re Never Done

Something Canan believed to be true for a long time, but now knows differently, ties in nicely. She says, “You’re never done. I used to say things like, ‘One day…’, or ‘When I grow up…’, or “When such and such happens, then…’. Having my daughter has really put me in tune with the process of growth. I will never look at her and say, ‘There, she’s done!’ The fact is, each arrival just leads to another new start.”

Canan points out another truth she’s recently realized. She says, “No one knows what they’re doing. I used to look at other mothers and think they had it all together and had it all figured out. I know better now. When you look at my Facebook, you’d see all this excitement about the book and stuff about book launch parties. Exciting! But what you don’t see is the fight I had with my daughter this morning, or me being frustrated with traffic.” Canan went on to share something she read recently along the lines of “Don’t judge your insides by someone else’s outsides.”

Kindness Matters Most

Canan’s message to the world, if given 30 seconds, is this: “Be kind and compassionate to one another. Listening is better than talking. I don’t have any answers, but I can listen. If we could all find a way to do that, the world would be a different place.”

She’s so right. Kindness is always the best choice, because we never truly know what’s going on with someone. Regarding her comments about Facebook, I think it would be interesting if we’d all get real on Facebook, just for a day. Instead of posts bragging about big workouts at the gym, we might see a lot of “Hit the snooze too many times and then it was time to get ready for work. No gym today.”  Rather than pics of fancy photo-worthy meals that must mean we are great spouses or parents, we’d see images of bowls of cereal, frozen fish sticks or bags of Pirate’s Booty with the caption, “Cooking – ain’t nobody got time for that!” Selfies would show double chins, our bad sides, blemishes and the yoga pants we’re wearing because our cute jeans are too tight.

I’m the first to admit, that’s a terrifying thought. But what’s more terrifying, perhaps, is the notion that the only moments worth sharing with people are the ones that don’t tell the whole story. That the edited version of myself is the only thing anyone wants to see. It’s dangerous to believe that we’re not good enough in every unfiltered moment of the day. How do we change this? I haven’t a clue. But Canan might be onto something in her message. Kindness. Be kind and compassionate to one another. And to yourself.

If you’re interested in learning more about Canan, visit her website. And if you are looking for a great book to read, The Roses Underneath has got your name all over it!

If you enjoyed this conversation with a stranger, Like the Coffee With A Stranger Project Facebook page and you’ll never miss a cup! And you’ll make me smile!