The Place: Fair Bean

The Cup: Regular old coffee for me and Courtney opted for no beverage.

The Background: Cup 17, Thom Singer and I met for a catch-up coffee the other day and he mentioned having recently met Courtney and thought I’d enjoy knowing her as well. Thom knows the rules – don’t tell me too much, because otherwise the person isn’t truly a stranger. But what he did share had me eager to meet this incredible gal. He connected us with an email, Courtney said she was game for meeting up with a stranger, and the date was set.

Thom was not kidding around – Courtney has a remarkable story. She has been dealt a few tough blows in her 30-some-odd years on this planet – the sort that might turn even the best among us sour and jaded. But if ever there was a silver-lining seeker, Courtney certainly rises to the top of that list. She’s positive, yet pragmatic. Full of encouragement, but understanding when people are struggling and knows better than to patronize them with sugarcoating. She’s real, she’s honest and I know you’ll be in love with her by the end of this post. We’ll cover it all, but first, some:

Common Grounds:

1. What’s your guilty pleasure? Frosting. They can actually keep the cupcake and I’ll just eat the frosting. Guacamole is a close second.
2. How did you make your first buck? Babysitting. And then teaching swimming lessons to kids which I did in high school and in college.
3. What is the best place to eat in Austin? My friend Sanaz’s house, without a doubt. I’m also a Home Slice Pizza fan. And Hey Cupcake. Pizza and cupcakes – that’s a recipe for a good day.
4. What’s the last thing you fixed? I sewed a button on my husband’s shirt.
5. What is the best way to unwind? A hot bath, with bubbles. Jo Malone bath oils are the best.
6. What is the last, best movie you saw? Into The Woods. It was great!
7. What’s the best book you’ve read lately? The Girl on The Train, by Paula Hawkins. That was the fun, escape book I read over the holidays.

Being Important

Courtney tells me she’s a Texas girl, who spent a few childhood years freezing in Chicago then eventually moved to New York City for college. She studied music theater at NYU and nearing the end of her studies, realized she didn’t actually want to be in theater. Courtney says, “I realized I wanted to be important, not famous. And there’s a difference. I wanted to work somewhere where I walked in and people said, ‘We’re so glad you’re here!’ In theater, you’re not important until you’re famous. In any audition, there were 85 other blonds who were prettier and more talented standing right outside the door.”

Luckily, Courtney’s excellent people skills turned a swimming lesson into a terrific job opportunity, when one of the fathers of a student offered her a job in marketing based on her outgoing personality. So before she even graduated from college, Courtney had a terrific job lined up.

Life Changes

Courtney loved her Manhattan job doing marketing and PR, but during the dot-com bubble bursting, lots of people found themselves looking for new jobs, and Courtney was among them. In 2004, when she had an opportunity to move to Houston, she jumped at the chance to move back to her home state with her then-husband.

Courtney was in a fairly new marriage, living in a new city, working in PR for the Humane Society when, at the age of 26, she learned she had cancer. I cannot imagine how terrifying that must have been. Courtney shares with me that, as is often the case, the marriage didn’t survive the cancer. Fortunately, Courtney not only survived, but she found purpose in her diagnosis. In 2007 she moved to Austin (a city she’d long wanted to move to) for a job with an organization called Planet Cancer – dedicated to helping young adults with cancer. The job was perfect for her.

Another cancer-focused organization, Livestrong, was also based in Austin and eventually Planet Cancer and Livestrong merged. Courtney stayed on in a consultant role for about a year and then it was again time to find a new project to get excited about.

Finding Your Passion

Courtney had loved working for the Humane Society and then with Planet Cancer and Livestrong. She felt extremely connected to all three non-profit organizations because she was passionate about animal welfare and helping young adults with cancer find the support they needed. But she recognized that for many people in their 20’s and 30’s, identifying a cause they were passionate about wasn’t as easy.

After some soul-searching, and lots of conversations with friends and supporters, in 2009 Courtney launched an organization called Austin Involved. The premise was for a $25 a month donation, donors learned about three different organizations every month and voted for the program they felt most interested in. When the votes were tallied, the organization with the most votes got the entire pool of donations. But the really cool part was that the organizations also came up with a three-hour service project that all the donors could be a part of. So not only did people give money, but they gave their time – which allowed them to really feel connected on a much deeper level. The ultimate goal was that the donors would find the thing that made them full of excitement and then they’d become involved and donate to the cause they were most passionate about. Courtney jokes, “We were the only non-profit trying to give away our donors.”

Room For Love

During her years in Houston, Courtney met Jamie, the love of her life.  She shares a story from when they were first dating and she told Jamie that she was kind of a lemon. He is a big car guy and was quick to correct her. He told her, “You are NOT a lemon. You are a Ferrarri – a finely tuned, well crafted machine. Sure, you’re in the shop more than a Honda and your parts cost a lot more, but you’re no lemon!” You won’t be surprised to learn she married this prince.

Five months after they married, Courtney and her new husband met a 17-year-old kid who had big dreams and not a lot of support. They decided to make a commitment to do all they could to give this bright young man an opportunity to live his dreams. It started with a weekly visit to help with college applications. Then, they added tutoring to prepare him for college entrance exams and he was at the house a few more days a week. By the time Anthony got accepted to college, Courtney and Jamie were more family than Anthony had anywhere else. Soon after they dropped him off at college, Courtney got a text from him asking her if they’d be back for parents’ weekend. She said they would, if he wanted that. He did. The three are officially family now – not just in their hearts, but on paper. They legally adopted Anthony and  surely Courtney must be the youngest mother of a college Senior ever. She loves her son and like any proud momma, she pauses the interview to get out her phone to show me some pictures, beaming, “That’s my boy!”

Tested

Courtney went in for a full body scan when she was at the five year cancer-free mark and she needed to get a baseline scan. What she would learn from this scan would shock everyone. There was no more cancer, but there was a congenital brain defect that for the majority of people with the condition, the first warning is a brain aneurism – often resulting in death. Without much time to think about it, Courtney and her new husband moved to New York, where the best surgeon with the most experience with this condition was located. Over several months she had a total of three brain surgeries. Her strength and resiliency was put to the ultimate test. This time, not only did Courtney come out victorious, but her new marriage, though certainly tested, was strengthened by the experience.

During this time, Austin Involved merged with another organization called I Live Here, I Give Here, and Courtney was again free to pour her heart into something new.

Hero’s Journey

She had been working on her Master’s in Philanthropy and awoke one morning with complete clarity as to how she could use her past experiences and her new education to help people in a way she was passionate about. Courtney decided to do her research on the role of philanthropy in helping people to heal from trauma. She was passionate about resilience and the power it had to heal. In her research, and in combing through many other people’s research, she found that the point most people think of as the end of healing from a trauma, was really only the 3/4 mark. We often think the path is from “victim” to “survivor”. But Courtney learned that to come full circle in healing, the last step takes a person from “survivor” to “hero”. She adds, “When you’re strong enough to reach down and pull another person up, that’s healing.”

Though there was a vast amount of research on the topic, it was all siloed and it wasn’t mainstream. No one was talking about it. Courtney assembled all the fragmented findings and wrote a book called, The Giving Prescription: A Personal Plan For Healing Through Helping. It’s based around a series of eight questions to move a person through all the stages of healing from a trauma.

On The Road

Nearly all of 2014 Courtney spent taking her message on the road not only as an author, but as a professional speaker. When I asked her about the most significant thing that’s happened for her in the last 30 days, she tells me about becoming licensed to administer a change-style indicator which is a useful tool in the workshops she created to help people build resiliency.

Courtney doesn’t care much about being a motivational speaker. She tells me, “I never wanted to be one of those speakers who said, ‘I survived cancer, so you should be inspired!’, then you leave and you’re like, ‘Whoa, that’s a jaw-dropping story.’ but once you’re out of the room it doesn’t apply to you. They didn’t talk about you, at all. There’s nothing you can apply, other than maybe thinking, ‘Shit, I’m glad I’m not her!’ I never wanted to be that kind of speaker. So I use my stories to get people engaged, but it’s more about a format that’s going to make them think differently.”

Easy

I ask Courtney what she feels is the biggest issue facing society today. She thinks long and hard about it, explaining she’s torn between a couple of answers, and then says, “We feel like we’re entitled to have things easy. We take things like traffic on Mopac as a personal affront. We manage to get frustrated when things are quick and easy. And I believe this issue has its tentacles in a lot of other areas.”

Asked to describe her perfect day, Courtney tells me it starts at 7:30am with a walk with her husband and dog. When she returns home, she finds her son has returned from college to surprise her and is sitting at the piano playing a tune. The family heads out for a few hours to volunteer, has guacamole for lunch and then, because this magical day is warm and sunshine-filled, they spend some time poolside. Her friend Sanaz prepares dinner and they finish the day with a little Master Pancake Theater at Alamo Draft House. To top it all off…the literal icing on the cake? Frosting, of course. By the bowlful!

Compassion Connects

I asked Courtney what is something that’s not currently taught in school but should be? She says, “Compassion. We teach service, but we don’t teach compassion. The how and the why. We think, ‘You’re blessed so you should give to others who are less blessed.’ Compassion connects the dots.”

How about a ritual, habit or routine Courtney does that she feels contributes to her overall well-being? “My nightly bath. And cuddling with my husband first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening.”

Perspective

If given 30 seconds to make a speech to the world, Courtney’s message is this, “I would tell the world that whatever they want to accomplish in life is all a matter of perspective. There are so many people out there who think there are things they could never get or they think they don’t have what it takes or they aren’t enough. The only difference between them and those who accomplish what they think they can accomplish is the perspective of, “I can do this.” If they were to look from someone else’s point of view and see themselves from the outside, they would realize they do have all it takes. They have enough. They are enough. Everything in life is a matter of perspective.”

What’s Important

When I ask Courtney how she learned this lesson herself, she tells me about her fears when starting her non-profit. She worried it would fail and that she’d somehow be exposed as a fraud for not having it all together and executed with perfection. It was her husband who reminded her that no one really ever has it all figured out. She adds, “People are out there playing a smaller game and don’t realize it’s okay to be scared. They don’t take risks because they think the people who do, have it all figured out. That’s not a risk! I’ve learned it’s easier to hang on to your dreams if you’ve built up a few calluses first.”

We’re all searching. We all crave purpose, we want to feel passionate, we want to matter. At 21, Courtney couldn’t possibly know just how important the realization she had about fame would turn out to be. “I want to be important, not famous,” she said. And she was right, there is a difference.

According to Psychology Today, “Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes.” To spend one’s time teaching others about resiliency, to help them connect to their purpose and to help them fully heal by encouraging them to lift others up, that’s important.

Courtney has certainly not had the easiest path in life. I have to believe that some people are tested and stretched because they are not only capable of surviving, but their greater purpose is to show others the way. To be a beacon in stormy waters, casting a light to show the path safely home. A hero, who has survived the storm and is now reaching down with callused hands to pull others up and give them hope.  I have no doubt that when Courtney walks in her office, on the stage, into a friend’s house or through her front door, people say, “We’re so glad you’re here!” Because after spending just an hour and a half in a coffee shop with her, I know I am.

To learn more about Courtney and her crusade to help people live courageous, heroic lives, check out her website.

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