The Place: The Driskill

The Cup: A cup of bar coffee for me. Brandie, admitting she was already overly caffeinated, opted for no bevie.

Background: Again, pal Jill made this introduction. Brandie was in town for SXSW and was totally down for a little chit chat.

This conversation was a tad challenging as we were sitting in a loud, crowded bar among an international gathering of #usguys folks (a Twitter chat group for those, like me, who didn’t know) who were meeting at SXSW.

I asked Brandie to begin by telling me how she got here. That question is incredibly vague,  I realize. I have found that in answering it, people quickly identify the things that matter most or make them who they are, at that moment in time.

For Brandie, she began by telling me that she is finishing up breast cancer treatment, she is the Community Manager for three companies and she and a partner run Community Manager UNConference. Wow, where to start?

I first asked for clarification on what exactly a “Community Manager” is/does. The role is about working to build, grow and manage communities around a brand or cause. It’s part facilitation, part encouragement and part support. Brandie tells me that in this world where dialogues are happening online and offline, someone needs to monitor the chatter and analyze what’s being said. When a company, brand or cause is a part of the conversation, they gain insight into what people are connecting to and what matters most to them. At its best, it happens organically, but it still needs to be monitored, and sometimes, facilitated.

Brandie is passionate about her profession. In fact, when I asked her what she’d make her living doing if happiness were the national currency, she says she’s already doing it. Woot!

In addition to working with companies to manage their communities, she is a partner in the Community Manager UNConference. The most significant thing that happened to her in the last 30 days, was the completion of the first event of the year, in NYC.  What exactly goes on in an UNConference? I was curious to find out. It’s a fully interactive event where the participants vote on the topics to be discussed, and rather than have a bunch of speakers, they have discussion leaders.

When I let the image of this type of event percolate in my brain, I instantly see how much better this concept is than a traditional conference. How many times have you listened to a speaker, took a few great notes, and then came the Q&A, where someone stood up and asked a question and bam, you got to the good stuff? I’ve always learned more from talking with others and discussing or debating that I ever have from just listening. I guess I’m a learn by doing or experiencing kind of person.

I asked Brandie to tell me a bit more about her breast cancer journey. She was diagnosed a year ago February and had surgery in April, followed by chemo from June through January of this year. She is about to head to NYC for radiation which will finish off the damn cancer once and for all.

Thirty-nine years old and a single mother to two teenagers; I can’t imagine how terrifying that diagnosis must have been for her. I asked Brandie what has changed since the diagnosis and without hesitation, she says, “Everything.”

Of course. She went on to tell me that much like women do to one another when they are pregnant, cancer causes people to bust out their horror stories. Sure, there are the hope-filled, inspiring stories of survival. But they aren’t nearly as gut-wrenching as the tales of sickness and bodily metamorphosis. Brandie seemed to find comfort in this story sharing, perhaps thinking that it was preparing her for the worst. She’d hear them and think to herself, OK, I can handle that.

But then you live through it for yourself and the truth is, nothing can prepare you for the reality. No one’s story is quite the same. And no matter how bad you imagine it could be as you are hearing it, the experience itself will make you weep, scream, question any faith you have in a higher power, and cause you to wonder if anything could possibly be worse. When death seems like a light at the end of the tunnel, you know you are in a bad place.

Brandie tells me that she kicked her 20 year nail-biting habit and since that day, has loved taking care of her beautiful nails. Getting a manicure was such a joy. During her cancer treatment, the chemo ravaged her body. She said, “My skin was a mess, my hair fell out, my eyebrow, eyelashes, everything all fell out. But my nails were strong and growing like crazy.” Then they became extremely painful, like someone was pounding them with a hammer. At a visit with her doctor she learned the truth about this magical nail growth. It turns out that the nails were dying and the growth was actually the nails being pushed out as the new nails formed underneath. This, among everything else, was devastating. And much like all the other horrible parts, no one told her just how bad it would be.

I asked her if she was going to be the person to tell the real story about cancer and she told me that she did. She is a self-admitted Twitter addict and every moment was Tweeted and blogged about. In fact, I came across this heartbreaking post she wrote about losing herself. It’s painful and it’s honest.

Brandie told me that her experience has shown her that some people just can’t handle her cancer. She has had to say goodbye to some good friends who weren’t up for the challenge. But along the way, she has found deeper friendships from some unexpected places. In fact, during her surgery, she tells me that her friends were blowing up Twitter with well wishes and proudly says, “My boobs were trending internationally on Twitter.” Well now, that’s a unique claim to fame, for sure!

What does Brandie think this world could use a little more of? Honesty. “We are so quick to judge and we are so unaccepting of people. And for some reason it’s socially unacceptable to be honest with one another. If we are friends and you ask me something, I’m gonna tell ya the truth.”

I have no doubt about that at all. Brandie is a “what you see is what you get” kinda girl. And I suspect that’s why people are so drawn to her. It was hard to hear the truth of her journey through cancer. But when someone speaks from the heart and shares their truth, even a story about a subject as ugly as cancer becomes beautiful. It really is okay to tell the truth. The people who matter most will love you more because of it.