The Coffee Shop: Starbucks

The Cup: Avi had coffee and I had Comfort Wellness hot tea. Am I sick, you might be wondering. Well, yes. Sick in the head! I have decided to go the whole month of October without caffeine. WHOA! Was that a rude awakening! Day one and two…massive headache. As in, go to bed super early with an ice pack on your head. But once I hit the week mark, it’s been smooth sailing. Well, except for the no coffee part. I’m not sure there’s a bigger coffee lover in the world than me. But alas, it’s good to take a break from things occasionally.

The Connection: Cup 123, Scott O’Malley made this introduction, telling me Avi was one of the most compelling, deep-thinking, and positive people he knew. And with an intro like that, I was eager to meet this wonderful man! Scott was so right, but before we get into Avi’s story, let’s cover a few:

Common Grounds

How did you make your first buck? When I lived in Germany, there was a gentleman, Mr. Buyer was his name. He was an old guy. One day he said to me, “Here’s five Deutsche Marks, go to that kiosk and get me a pack of cigarettes. So I rode off (on a bicycle he had made for me) and I came back and handed him his cigarettes and change, and he said “keep the change”. I asked him what I should do with it and he told me to do whatever I wanted – that I had earned it. My brain just went into a total short circuit thinking of all the things I might buy. I think I was around eight years old and the idea of making money as a kid wasn’t a common concept at that time.

What’s something you hate paying for? Internet connectivity. I refuse to pay it. Well, I actually do end up using it because I use my phone a lot, but I don’t have it in my house. No television in my house either.

What’s a food you can’t live without? I like cheeses, but I don’t eat much of it. I especially like the gooey, smelly ones. And I like extremely good chocolate. Not very often – maybe once a year I’ll have a really good piece of chocolate and really savor it.

What’s your guilty pleasure? One is BBQ ribs. I really love ribs. The other one is a little less guilt. Single-malt whisky. It evokes kind of an expansive well-being feeling – like everything is good in the world.

What’s a favorite gift you’ve given? A favorite gift is cards – birthday or other occasions, to people I like. I go out there and spend a whole bunch of time looking at them, sometimes it takes a long time and then Boom! you find the perfect one! When you give it to people, the light in their eyes just goes on and you can almost hear the sound of crystal dinging, their eyes open and the surprise and pleasure you see in someone’s face, its a wonderful gift to give. It’s really fun!

International Beginnings

Many people I meet here in Minneapolis are from Minneapolis, or, like me, a town within a few hundred miles radius. So I’m always interested to hear where people are from. Avi was born in Israel and grew up there as well as in Europe. He met an American woman, fell in love, married her and when she wanted to move back to the United States, he found himself living in Los Angeles. Like a stone skipping over water, we don’t spend much time on that chapter of life, except for Avi to tell me: “By 2002, life in Los Angeles was beginning to be shrill, like fingernails on a chalkboard, so I left, and because I develop software for clients all over the world I had the luxury of being able to see many places. I ended up in Minnesota because of a friend I’d met in California at a professional conference. She told me a lot about Minnesota. I never even had Minnesota on my list of potential places to move to. I came to visit and thought ‘wow, this is a nice place!’ So I moved and adjusted very quickly. I love the very distinct seasons, and distinct food, how you dress for the seasons, how you interact with people. All of that is very distinct to Minnesota. LA was one season and homogenous. Germany and Switzerland area very similar to Minnesota.” So perhaps it felt familiar and for many of us, that longing for “home” is always present, to some degree or another.

Becoming Minnesotan

“I think like an Minnesotan, ” Avi tells me, adding, “I spend a lot more time thinking about community, for example. Maybe it’s just a function of age too, but I’m thinking a lot more about community than just me, me, me. And a lot more about the common good; the things that tie us.  Sort of like the concept of Karma – what goes around comes around, sort of thing.”

Avi says Minnesotans are welcoming which I tell him is the opposite of what I’ve been hearing lately. He says, “I think Minnesotans require a comfort with you, and that takes a while. Not necessarily that it’s a test, but you interact and interact and all of a sudden you’re a part of the community. You become part of communities here, not in a chosen way.” So maybe it’s something that simply happens if you give it enough time.

Professional Pursuits

Avi is involved in many projects and pursuits. His background is in computer programming and software, and he tells me, “I do websites that are smarter than the average website. I do some programming for myself, but not much more than that.”

I asked Avi how he knew Scott, our mutual connection, and he tells me about one of the bigger pursuits he’s involved with.  It’s called Access to Democracy – a series of half hour interviews on Eagan TV with people in the community. Avi does the website and has a few other responsibilities. I ask him to explain the premise of the show and he sums it up like this, “There is a lot of political stuff, but I believe democracy starts with community. Community is made up a of a lot of distinct characters — people, and groups. When you mash them all together, you end up with a community. And the ability of a community to nourish itself and to sustain itself — a lot of that has to do with a democratic process, where everyone is participating. And people have an equal pull and push to the degree they want.” It turns out, a few years back, Scott was on the program and he and Avi have stayed in contact ever since.

Deep Dive Within

Avi has two answers for my question about the most significant thing that’s happened to him in the last 30 days. First, he says, is “a difficult cycle of deepening understanding of the relationships between men and women. For me, it’s the beginning of a deep dive into what it means to mansplain, and to gaslight. A deeper dive into what it means to be empathetic with other people.  It’s difficult because it dredges up a lot of stuff from my past, childhood, from my parents, other relationships. It’s interesting, and I think it’s necessary for it to come up. Everybody needs to move toward being a little more of a human. What does it mean to be a next level human?”

Rolling Up Sleeves

The second significant event has to do with a hobby Avi started early this year — making pottery. Avi tells me, ” Something really significant happened in that I have given myself a huge permission to experiment. Another way of saying that is I have given myself permission to screw up. So what, right?!? It’s only dirt! One of my favorite teachers in clay classes reminds us of that — it’s dirt! Maybe that permission will slop over into other parts of my life. We’ll see. The maybeness of it, it might have bigger implications.”

What are you ridiculously good at?, I ask Avi. He says, “Teaching stuff that I know. To the point of being obnoxious. Things I’ve mastered — like parts of programming that I’ve mastered. If anybody ever asked, they’d get sick after 9-10 hours of me teaching it. I’m ridiculously good at that. Also, baking certain things – like breads. Lately I’ve been mastering galettes — not quite at the ridiculously good stage yet, but I’m working on it.” If, like me, you are curious what a galette is, here is the definition I found: A flat, round cake originating in France made with flaky pastry dough, yeast dough, or unleavened dough. One variety of galette is the Galette des Rois, which is traditionally served during Twelfth Night festivities. A bean or other token is often hidden inside with the intention of bringing good luck to the one who finds it.” Fun! And then I realize that I do know what this bread is — Galette des Rois … AKA King Cake. And I spent enough time close to New Orleans to have eaten my share of King Cake; I even found the hidden baby a time or two.

Influenced

Whose life has had the greatest impact on Avi? He tells me, “The Dalai Lama – both in a good and bad way. There are parts of the Dalai Lama’s life I think are crap. The whole priestly part and the fact that he has not renounced the kingly part of his life, I find difficult. His humility I do accept, and it’s very influential. He’s one interesting influence. My wife has influenced my life quite a bit. These are the big ones. A lot of friends. My mother. My father, in a different way. We’ve never gotten along — never saw eye to eye. I realized later in my life that he never got to take Parenting 101 – mostly because it wasn’t offered. Everything he had was on the job training. He was in a tough place. I realized later in life that I was able to forgive him because I saw so many ways I am like him.” Isn’t it interesting when we realize the things we have a hard time with in other people, are actually things that are also true about us. And in that way, as hard as it is, these people are some of the best teachers.

Ease Into The Day

Always curious about habits and rituals of the people I meet, I ask Avi if there is something he does every day that he feels contributes to his overall well-being. He says that the days of being jolted awake by an alarm clock are long over. He explains, “I think that’s nasty. One should sleep for enough time so that when it’s time to get up, your consciousness begins to rise and your body wakes up on its own. You sort of open your eyes and slide into the next phase. Sleep enough so you can do that.”

God Is…

Avi tells me, for him, “God is within every person’s heart. I don’t think God is outside. If we don’t see God inside us, how can we recognize it anywhere else. In fact, how would you recognize God if God wasn’t already part of you?” Wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before and these couple of sentences have really got me thinking.

Gratitude

Avi tells me he’s grateful for his health and ongoing curiosity, adding, “They are feeding each other. Learning this and that and the other. It’s because I’m healthy that I can continue to do that.” Health and curiosity: an ongoing circle that supports one another.

If Avi had 30 seconds to make a speech to the world, this is his message: “Think carefully before you do/say things. Consider what the impact of what you do a lot more strongly than the intent of what it is that you want to do. The intent is great, but it’s meaningless if the impact is not good.” Well said!

Into Action

• Like Avi, can you find a way to give yourself permission to screw up, or to be imperfect? We can use his maxim of “it’s just dirt” to serve as a reminder of how unimportant most things we get wrapped up in really are. Be gentle with yourself and offer yourself grace.
• Avi shared that as an adult, he sees in himself some of the aspects of his father that were challenging when he was younger. Is someone in your life getting on your nerves? Maybe you can take some time to look within and see what that irritation is trying to teach you. It’s showing up for a reason and if you can see the person as a teacher, put in your path specifically to offer you the gift of a life lesson, I suspect the irritation will go away. {I had to work through this recently and it’s not easy! But I do believe it’s worth it!}
• What are you ridiculously good at (that has nothing to do with work)? Avi offered two answers and I’m guessing he had more if I would have pressed. Lately I’ve become aware that I’m not spending time on my hobbies as much as I’d like. So I made a decision to get back into doing the creative things I love – decorating cookies, crocheting, drawing, writing a blog 🙂 Think of the things you are great at, that you enjoy and that fill your cup. Make sure you built time into your day or week to do more of that. Everything else in your life will improve as a result!

Until next time, you sweet soul – be well, love big and stay curious! xo