The Coffee Shop: Dunn Bros Coffee on Nicollet

The Cup: Scott and I both order decaf cold brew. There was a time in my life when I seriously questioned the reason for decaf’s existence. Now I get it. What I love even more than coffee, is sleep. And I’ll be darned if a 2pm coffee won’t just keep me staring at the ceiling. So thank you Dunn Bros for having decaf cold brew at the ready!

The Connection: Oh Minneapolis, how I love thee. I’ve been here for almost 2 years now (WHAT???) and I’ve met some lovely people in that time. I’ve even had a couple of stranger conversations. But life got busy and I set this project aside while I went about my days and tried to forget about it.

I tried. But I couldn’t forget a project that had become a big part of my life and had been such a source of joy and inspiration. So here we are. If you want more of the story of how we got back to this place, I wrote an explanation post. And now, it’s back to business! With a few changes, of course.

So, what’s the plan?

1. Simplify my writing process and be comfortable leaving content on the cutting room floor
2. Keep blog posts shorter with relevant highlights and action items
3. Keep conversing with strangers. This project is on my top 5 life changing choices list — without a doubt. So…

Onward!

Back to The Connection. How did Scott and I meet? A cold email. Yep, I just sent the guy a note telling him I had a practice of having coffee with strangers and would he be up for joining me? Obviously you know how it turned out. But I will add – he not only said, “Why not!”, he added, “I try to meet someone new every week anyhow.” I knew I’d like this guy!

Curiosity

Probably the trait that’s taken me furthest in life is an endless desire to know more. Not to be confused with nosiness (which is curiosity’s unrefined and annoying sibling), a fascination with the unknown and a desire to understand how things work, and what drives people, will open any door. And right away I realized curiosity was something Scott and I had in common.

Scott’s first job took him all over the country. In fact, he travelled to 46 states in that first job alone, and eventually called several of them home. In describing his first job, he told me that for many months, he spent every single day with people he’d never met before. As you might guess, he was in a sales role, but even in sales, you typically spend some time with your own team or in meetings with customers you know. So to start your professional life meeting new people every single day is bound to have an impact.

Before we learn more about Scott’s story, and dig into topics such as vulnerability, non-profit start-up, and reincarnation, let’s cover some:

Common Grounds:

1. How did you make your first buck? Working for my dad’s construction company, picking up trash. I think I was maybe in 3rd or 4th grade.
2. What book should be required reading for everyone? Lately I’ve tried to get my kids to read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I like that book. I think it has lessons for someone at any point in their life, and it’s a quick read. I like a lot of books. A book by Mark Nepo is on my nightstand. It’s called The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
3. What’s something you hate paying for? Parking. Um…AMEN!
4. What’s a food you can’t live without? There are a lot of those. I love to cook, so I think it depends on the season. But the one that’s good  in all seasons is pizza. Thin crust – cut in squares. Red’s Savoy is a favorite.
5. What’s a game you’ve spent the most time in your life playing? Two answers I suppose. First, the sales game. And second, cribbage. I used to play with my grandfather and now I play some with my kids.
6. What’s your guilty pleasure? Drinking wine while cooking. I enjoy making comfort food and the recipe I took from my mom is pot roast. My kids always give me a hard time that I have potatoes with every meal. In the winter time I make a a lot of soup. Cooking is what I do to relax.
7. What is the best gift you’ve ever given? I followed my dad’s lead on this one. On my dad’s 70th birthday, my dad gave gifts to all the kids as well as to my mom. So now on my birthday, I give gifts to all my kids. I pick something out that I know they’ll like, instead of the other way around. It’s much more fulfilling.

Shrinking Nest

When I asked Scott about the most significant thing that’s happened in the last 30 days, he tells me it’s probably the prep work for his oldest son, Gram, heading off to college. And he’s not just living on campus here in Minneapolis. He’s headed to Villanova University in Pennsylvania. Scott shares, “I’m excited for him. It’s going to be different. He’s been a great role model for his brothers, and I’ll miss him. We have a Sunday routine – I cook in the kitchen and we have a TV room right off the kitchen and we all watch football together. And he won’t be there for that. But college is a great experience. I’m happy he got into a school he really wanted to get into. He wants to see what’s out there.” And coming from the guy who met new people in new places every single day right after college, he obviously encourages the spreading of wings.

I can tell it’s a send off that’s certainly met with mixed emotions. I’m always in awe of parents as they make that leap from seeing a child as a little bird in their nest, in need of their protection and resources, to an independent adult headed off to a nest of their own. Albeit a nest filled with Ikea furniture and moldy food in their dorm fridge. But nonetheless, an enormous milestone and a vulnerable moment in time, for sure.

Influence

Mentors, role models and influencers is a subject I find interesting, so I wanted to know from Scott, who has had the greatest impact on his life. He says, “The easy answer is to say my parents. But I think there’s been a lot of influences along the way.” Scott tells me that when he thinks of the question, a flood of faces enter his mind. He adds, “There are people who influenced you in school – grade school, high school and college. Then – your colleagues, your spouse, your friends. So there’s no defining person, but many influences.”

Raising Empathy

Although he was hesitant to name his parents as the sole influencers, it’s clear through the course of our conversation just how much of an impact his childhood and the character of his parents had on Scott. And what’s fascinating is how that fact comes to light through a story of his middle son’s philanthropic and entrepreneurial endeavor.

Scott paints for me a picture of his then 10 year old son Finn reading a magazine on the couch. An article he read called Blessings In A Backpack provided the spark of an idea. He pitched it to his mom and dad and before long, the Fabulous Friends Club was born and the entire family was in on the effort. The problem Finn learned about from the article was that some kids were going hungry on the weekends. The solution was to fill backpacks with nutritious food and give any kid who needed it, food for the weekend. From the Fabulous Friends website:

Fabulous Friends Club is the brainchild of a then 10-year-old boy who enlisted his two brothers to develop a backpack program that provides needy students with food on weekends. Since 2012, the Fabulous Friends Club has provided thousands of students with nutritious meals each weekend during the school year.  We currently feed almost 800 students per week and are looking to expand.

I wanted to know where this philanthropic mindset came from, and Scott tells me a story from his childhood. “It started with my parents when we were young – I’m guessing when I was five or six. We used to have a party in the winter time and people would bring gifts and we would bring them to a center on the West side of St. Paul and give them to people who didn’t have as much.” Wow, now that’s an example to set for kids!

Scott goes on the share a specific memory, “We always had to buy what we wanted for Christmas and then wrap it up and give it away. And I remember watching the kid open it up and saw he was pretty fired up about it. Then Christmas came and I didn’t get the gift. I was mad. I said, ‘Wait a minute, I just spent my money to buy him that gift and then I didn’t get it?’ For whatever reason it stuck with me and I remember it and now I think differently about it. That kid got the gift and I don’t even remember what it was – so clearly it didn’t mean that much to me. So that’s a tradition that started with my parents and then my wife and I took over that party before we were married – so over 20 years ago. We ran it for a long time. It stopped 5 years ago when we moved. At the end, we had 110 kids show up at the house with their parents. That’s a lot of people in one house. But it was a fun group!”

So with that knowledge, it’s more clear how young Finn made the leap from learning about a social issue to taking action to be a part of the solution. This is exactly what the world needs more of – and apparently we are experiencing a shortening supply of – empathy. Don’t just take my word for it. This morning I read a terrific article The Most Important Skill People Are Losing and was dismayed to learn how our selfie obsession has deeper impact – beyond mere annoyance. It’s eroding our ability to connect. Arguably, the very thing we need the most of right now.

What Do You Know?

I asked Scott to think of something that he believes that everyone else thinks is crazy? He tells me, “I have an inkling that maybe reincarnation is real. I don’t think that everyone believes that. But when I think about how life works, and what a lot of the other concepts are, they don’t make a lot of sense. That (when you die) it’s just over? Or you all go someplace and just hang out there?” Scott and I talk further about this and share our fascination with topics that have no clear answer – but yet so many people claim to know the truth. Scott adds, “I question people who say things are for sure – when they don’t have the ability to know for sure. I’ve learned along the way that things often aren’t exactly how you think they are. Even when you’re certain they are.”

A New Lens

With 30 seconds to share a message with the world, Scott has this to say, “It starts with being kind to people. In this particular political environment I see a lot of people taking a really staunch stance and not even listening to someone with another opinion. To me that’s disappointing. I think we’re better than that; smarter than that – yet we’re not acting like that. Just because you believe it, doesn’t mean it’s right – so be open-minded to someone else’s point of view. A different interpretation. Maybe even a different outcome than what you were planning on. Ideas don’t always work out. I try to teach my kids that not everything is what you think it is. Be open and you’ll be surprised how often you’ll find a good idea or a better approach or a different way to look at things. We get into a habit of looking at things through the same lens. Try a different lens.”

Into Practice

It’s clear from our conversation that having coffee with strangers is the most densely impactful way to spend 90 minutes. I encourage you to give it a try! And if you do, I want to hear how it goes. Comment below, or shoot me an email Melissa at MelissaLombard dot com, or a note on LinkedIn.

It’s also clear just how important it is for kids to see examples of compassion at home and to be given the opportunity to experience the joy of sharing. A world of people who feel entitled to their “things” and who cling to them with tight fists isn’t what any of us want. So let’s be inspired by Scott’s parents, by Scott and his wife, and by Finn, his brothers Gram and Mac, and everyone at Fabulous Friends. When we see a need, let’s take action. Big or small – makes no difference. Just move in the right direction and watch as the world changes around you!

Let’s express our gratitude. Let’s be kind to ourselves and those around us. And let’s commit to staying open to the possibility that we don’t know it all and that maybe, just maybe, that openness will show the way to something even better.

Into Action

• Invite a total stranger to coffee.
• Show a child the joy of sharing, giving, helping.
• Cultivate empathy and compassion within yourself.
• Write someone (who wouldn’t expect it), a thank you card. Buy the cards from Fabulous Friends for bonus points!
• Remind yourself every morning to keep an open mind.

Until next time sweet friends, be well, love big and stay curious!